when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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