that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
