Dude my mom stole all your condoms
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
