you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
