So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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