toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
