he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
i think i just lost a toe
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
