do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
wow bdsm is so cute
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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