i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
