Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
