A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
