he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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