you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
