Pants 0. Shit 1.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
