I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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