I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
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