Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Randomize
