I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
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