Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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