can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
