After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
