that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
