At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
