bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
