did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Randomize
