wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
