I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
