Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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