so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
