she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Can you repeat that, but with context?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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