Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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