Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
