I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
