Moan for me like Helen Keller
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
