you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
In America we eat man semen.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
