It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
