fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
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