"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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