Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
