Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
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