I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
