if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Randomize
