we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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