Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
