im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
