A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I CAN MOONWALK!
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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