does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
