if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Someone shit on the floor
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
