You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
He? As in you personified your dick?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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