Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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