im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
