this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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