I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
