but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
