I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
