Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
