i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
